Verbal Violence

First: Recognize hostile language and verbal abuse
Second: Diffuse hostility and respond effectively, never feeding a verbal violence loop
- Resist the temptation to fall into old habits
- Resist the temptation to participate in verbal violence loops
- Pay attention to our own language and the language we hear and observe
Third: It’s not what you say it’s how you say it.

Taking Responsibility for our Language:

Eliminate the extra emphatic stresses on words and parts of words that signal hostility
Be careful not to speak so loudly that listening to us can be painful
Be careful to speak in a pitch and speed that is comfortable for those listening

Eliminate openly hostile items as curses, demeaning, abusive labels, and insults
Avoid using words that are unfamiliar to our listeners or offensive to them
Select words that match the sensory mode of those we’re interacting with
Use words we know will cause distress with great sensitivity and care

Eliminate Blaming and Placating language. Utilize computing and leveling patterns in stressful situations
Not use open insults or smart cracks, sarcastic remarks or put downs
Discourage use of verbal attack patterns in our own language and others
Refuse to provide sentences that can feed hostility loops
Take care not to give others commands and criticisms when we can transmit the same information in another way to not demoralize or cause the other person to lose face.