Being the Person We Want to Be

By Deb McPeck

We all go by many titles and assume many roles in life.

Mine are mother, wife, grandmother, sister, aunt and special education teacher. But the other day, I had the opportunity to add an additional title/role to this list. My mom was in a nursing home and was receiving mixed messages from staff about a very important issue ... what toilet to use. Not something a person wants to mess around with because you know, when you gotta go, you gotta go! I was frustrated by the lack of communication in the nursing home and we were expressing our concerns to the social worker.

As I sat there, I realized that I was assuming the role that guardians of students with special needs fill.... that of advocate.

The confusion over what "facility" my mother should use shouldn't be happening. We were told the policy for someone in my mom's situation was using the in room "facility." Then she received a lecture from a nurse instructing her to use the commode sitting by her bed. This happened more than once.

The staff wasn't communicating with each other about policies. "They" were in the wrong. I was at a pivotal point. I was tired, and wanting to express my irritation. It made me think about parents of special needs students whose IEP may not be being followed as written. Staff are supposed to be professionals. They need to get it together.

I really wanted to tell them what I thought of their nursing home.

Instead, I did what I hope you as the guardian of a special needs student will consider doing, because it was more constructive. I was treating others as I wanted to be treated by student guardians, it preserved the relationship and took into consideration that most mistakes are not made on purpose or because the staff do not care. We are all human and humans make mistakes regardless of how many rules, regulations or statutes are in place.

We calmly addressed our concerns to the social worker in a "pro-social" manner.

She, in turn, listened to us. The social worker took our concern to the head nurse who was able to address this policy with the new staff. We scheduled another meeting, and called a core team meeting in two weeks to check on how the issue was being handled. We walked away feeling heard, the issue was resolved, the working relationship and constructive communication were preserved.

When addressing a problem with school staff, treat the school professionals as partners in solving a problem, instead of thinking of them “being” the problem. Stepping back from an issue emotionally, while pro-actively addressing an issue, can help maintain the important school relationship you have as a guardian of a special needs student.