Taking Time for Yourself

Parents: Take care of yourselves!

All too often, the average parent places the needs of her children in front of her own. When parenting a child with special needs, the time spent working on the child's needs is magnified exponentially. The adage, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy" has a lot of truth to it. We need to learn, as moms and dads, how to shift the balance from "all about the kids" to "a little about me and a little bit about my relationship with my spouse" and then the rest for the kids. We have to learn to be more selfish for ourselves.

I've been culling information from various books and websites on "Taking care of yourself" and here are many suggestions to try to follow in giving yourself a little TLC. I had to add my own suggestions, of course.

Learn to communicate your feelings.
Avoid comparing yourself with others. Everyone has their own gifts. Learn to appreciate yours. Stop comparing yourself and your family to others, as it invites a negative comparison. Besides, you are going to be busy with numbers 3-16 on this list and you won't have enough time. If you need to compare yourself with others, choose someone that is more messed up than you.
Form a small group of people you can call on for emotional support. Can you say Support Group?
Take time to play. Remember that play is any activity that you do just because it feels good. Remind yourself that you deserve to take time to play. Dig out those collections and dust off those instruments. Air up the tires on your old bike and go for a ride. Spend a little time playing with things you enjoy. Sneak off into your room and scrapbook.
Don't forget to laugh, especially at yourself. Look for the humor in things around you. Do something silly and totally unexpected from time to time. Rent comedies from the video store instead of dark dramas. Let a 9 year old entertain you with knock knock jokes. Try to enjoy them with him. Let loose. Give yourself time to just let loose every once in a while and not have to be responsible for a moment.
Learn to relax. You can find books, tapes, programs, and classes to teach you how to relax. Relaxation improves the mind, helps the body heal, and feels so much better than stress and tension. Take a yoga class. Get a massage from your spouse. If your spouse can't, budget in a professional massage once in a while. Stretch every day.
Remember you are human! Don't let others put you on a pedestal. When people put you on a pedestal, they expect you to be perfect and feel angry when you let them down. It hurts when you fall off that pedestal too. Do yourself a favor and stay GROUNDED!
Learn to say no. Get comfortable saying no. Say it a lot. (Pretend the person is your kid asking for another $50 video game!) Don't feel guilty about it. Most people are stretched too thin in their lives. When someone asks you to volunteer for something, tell them that you will consider it and get back to them in a few days. Consider if the project really fits your own personal mission. Then, when you do say yes, you will feel better about yourself and the people you're responding to.
Eat regular meals. Lay off the junk food. Try to get some good healthy stuff in your bodily temple. Drink lots of water. Cut down on alcohol and sodas. Decrease your caffeine intake. Add a good multi-vitamin to your daily regimen.
Keep a journal. It's surprising to read months later.
Practice being a positive, encouraging person. Each time you give others a word of encouragement you not only feel better, but you build up your best self. My husband used to carry pennies in his pocket and transfer them over to the other pocket when he said or did something nice for another person. It was a conscious choice.
Pay attention to your spiritual life. Slow down. Practice sitting quietly. Listen to your inner voice. Spend time thinking about the things which bring peace, beauty and serenity to your life. Find the courage to follow your own spiritual path if a traditional religion has not been helpful for you.
Take breaks! Use traditional forms of respite if you can't use Grandma and Grandpa. Put the kids in an afterschool program or camp. Utilize free day care if you can. Find a support group with child care. The kids will benefit from the social interaction and you will get a little break. You need it!
Get your rest. You will feel more energized if you get a good night’s rest. Sleep in on the weekends if you can. Work to keep a consistent schedule for wake and sleep.
Get a move on! Exercise at least three times a week. More exercise is needed if you have kids that are defiant! (Isn't that everyone who has a teen?) Contact karate works for me, LOL.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. (p.s. It's all small stuff)