Discipline For Kids with Developmental Brain Injury:

Society has rules and structure.

This is a Fact.

Here is another Fact. People with FASD have trouble learning and following those rules.

Learning to live by society's rules, laws and expectations and abide by them is a lifelong process for people affected by prenatal alcohol exposure. Teaching and discipline must start early in childhood and continue throughout adulthood. The process and need for structure never ends.

Individuals with FASD have trouble internalizing morals, ethics and values like others and often don't understand why they need to change their behavior to meet society's needs. Some individuals with FASD are unable to learn from their past experiences and so they repeat the same mistakes over and over and over again.

Effective discipline may help to break this pattern, here are some ideas that have helped other families. No child is exactly like another, so pick and choose strategies that will work for your family. The idea is to add these suggestions into your toolbox and use as they are needed.

1. The Rules are the Same for everyone. Consequences can be adapted but the rules are the rules.
2. Prioritize your battles - ignoring behavior can be effective as long as it is not injurious or damaging for self or others. Do not ignore behaviors, activities, or problems that are:
3. • Dangerous to other's well being.
   • Dangerous to the child's physical well being.
   • Dangerous to other's mental/emotional well being.
   • Dangerous to the child's mental/emotional well being.
   • Against the law.
   • Interfere with the child's education.
   • Interfere with the running of the household.
4. Constantly review and repeat consequences for certain behaviors
5. Discipline immediately, not delayed (If child misbehaves on Tuesday, don't remove the movie on Saturday, they will have trouble connecting behavior to consequence. Many individuals with FASD have great difficulty with time, and consequencing a child later will cause more confusion and frustration than the original infraction.)
6. Following through with what you say. Don't let sympathy interfere with discipline.
7. Be consistent
8. Model appropriate behavior
9. Never use physical discipline, FASD persons model what they experience . Discipline should be a “teaching” consequence, not a punishment.
10. Use pre-arranged gesture - touch, hand sign, cue which tells the individual they need to change their behavior. This is especially important as peers become important in a child’s life.
11. A sign for you are getting out of control
12. A safety sign for child to tell parent help or say NO for me
13. Negative behavior may be a symptom of an unmet need. Determine if something is wrong and/or unmanageable for the child
14. Be firm yet kind/fair - do not talk and talk, say it and mean it
15. Withdrawal of privileges may work on occasion
16. Five minutes of time out can be as effective as hours or days and the parent and room will survive.
17. It is easier to start small and add than to backtrack from your own anger.
18. In order for a removal of privilege or item is to work the individual must really enjoy or value item or activity being taken away
19. Clearly state expectations before situations - role play Practice what a child should say and how they should act before the actual event.
20. Avoid threats
21. Be brief, one simple word SIT is better than "Could you sit at the table over there?"
22. Do not lecture (Think about Charles Schultz’ Peanuts comic strip- the children hear “wa, wa, wa, waa, waa, wa.”
23. Don't debate rules or consequences
24. Anticipate dangerous situations and recognize early signs of trouble so you can plan ahead
25. Avoid problem situations (if child becomes overstimulated in large group settings, don't put him in that situation, get a sitter or stay home)
26. Monitor friends, activities and free time
27. Don't use "chronological ages" as measurements of maturity.
28. Protect for as long as possible. Individuals with FASD are vulnerable!