The Importance of Attachment to a Parent and Child
Attachment as Partnership
- Begins before a child is even born as a mother and infant begin to respond to one another.
- Is a deep, lasting connection between a caregiver and child that influences all aspects of that child’s world- mind, body, spirit, relationships and emotions.
- Develops over time as a baby is repeatedly touched, fed, played with, talked to, cleaned and comforted by his primary person and a parent feels good caring for that child in return.
- Is sensory. A parent and child feel connected through shared moments of smelling, hearing, seeing, touching, tasting and moving together.
- Is seen as a parent “cues in” to what is happening with his baby and seeks to either calm down or stimulate his child depending on what the baby needs. When a parent responds in the right way, the child feels secure.
Attachment as Protection
- Is critical for a child to accept a parent’s limits and discipline. When an infant becomes a toddler and sets off to explore her world the parent says “no,” “come here,” “watch me” or “stay close” so the toddler can explore without getting hurt. The toddler learns to trust that the parent can keep her safe.
- Shows the toddler that it is okay to feel both needy (dependent) and adventurous (independent.) With his parent’s help, he learns to calm himself down or get himself going again.
- Gives the child a “secure base” to check in with whenever he is scared or needs help. He learns to trust that the parent will be there when he needs her.
- He in turn wants the parent to approve of him. He feels hurt when the parent hurts. He tries to stop doing things that make the parent upset.
Attachment as Belonging
- Is what helps a child move from accepting a parent’s care, challenge and limits to wanting these from a teacher, a coach, a friend, and later from a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. Being accountable and being connected to more than one person feels good.
- Helps a child be part of her world around her, as a family and community member. Helps a child value “how we do it here,” value right from wrong.
- Doesn’t stop when a child becomes a teenager or adult. She still needs her “safe” people who try to understand and be there when she needs them.
Secure Attachments helps a parent and child know that:
We can give and receive trust-----We can take on new challenges----We can slow down and chill out----We can ask for help if we need it----We can do it ourselves---We can notice how we affect others---We can survive the hard times---We are connected.